To believe again?
Must be hard…
Where am I today? And who have I become?
I have no idea how to answer either questions. I thought I was stronger, i thought I could do this on my own. And i still think I can. But what is this weakness that i am possessing? Where has it been hidden all these years, and why has it surfaced now?
I wear masks. I choose one every day. They won’t notice. Most don’t. I take it off everytime I get the chance to, alone or surrounded. The worst part is when no one notices, or if they do, they don’t care enough to ask.
Don’t humans know that there is something wrong if someone tries to laugh all the time and covers up their pain with humour?
Can’t they tell that the more someone asks about you, the more they are running away from that question themselves.
When does it end? When do things become O.K.
When is it real when someone tells you you’re safe?
How can you believe again? And how long does it take to forget what has happened, or at least let go of it? My questions are infinite, and the answers won’t just appear.
You know that feeling when you close your eyes to try to sleep because you’re not quite there yet, but if you slowly relax and let go, you can fall asleep? Those moments right before drifting away, is that death? Is it that soothing & simple to just leave? Do we sleep our worries away and get buried without them? I don’t want to let go, I am not ready to leave yet, but I want to wake up to a day full of truth, freedom, honesty and lots of meaningful moments. I want to cherish that, and I want to feel it within so that when I lay my head on my pillow every night, I can smile and know that I can leave being content with no feelings of regret, worry or fear, every single time!
And then I want to wake up the next day with a little less of yesterday’s pain, more healing & a lot to look forward to.
I don’t want to ask for help through all this. I want myself to come back to me once again.
